Morning-after vampires

Why Guy Vampires Suck
Reason #1

Male vampires are never there in the morning. Enough with the "sunlight burns" excuse. Hello, we're all vampires here.

The problem is that turning into a vampire brings out the worst in a guy. Ever heard the term "sexual predator"? When a man becomes a vampire, he realizes that after he sleeps with a girl, he can skip the whole making-breakfast, second-date issue by just killing her then and there.

Sick, I know.

A few months later, when he meets a nice girl vamp, do you think he treats her any better? Hell, no!

(Except for the killing part. Girl vamps get the not calling part instead.)

If a male vampire tells you that women vampires are high maintenance, first, stake him in the heart. Then, ask his disintegrating corpse if by "high maintenance," he means, not a total flipping doormat like the rest of his pathetic human snacks.

Sigh. You do know this is a cry for help, right? I'm mad, but I really hope I'm wrong about guy vamps. Eternity is a very long time.